Central Texas summers have the tendency to bring about an unwanted pest… the Fruit Fly. Drosophila melanogaster (from the Greek for black-bellied dew-lover) has been plaguing my home ever since the arrival of spring. Although the fruit fly is very tiny, it’s Boston Red Sox starting pitcher Tim Wakefield knuckleball-like movement allows for enhanced escape-ability from the two-handed human death clap, bringing about unparalleled frustration as entomophobes like myself seek to quash this vagrant nemesis once and for all.
The world-wide web’s cherished Wikipedia website informs us that the compound eye of the fruit fly contains 800 unit eyes or ommatidia, and are one of the most advanced among insects. The wings of a fly are capable of beating at up to 220 times per second. Flies fly via straight sequences of movement interspersed by rapid turns called saccades. During these turns, a fly is able to rotate 90 degrees in fewer than 50 milliseconds. Dodgy little devils indeed!
After an exhaustive and methodic search for proper retardants, I have found that there is one altruistic remedy for our black-bellied dew-lover – the carbine-format Flamethrower.
The lightweight carbine-format Flamethrower is designed solely for close combat. Using a pressurized napalm gel, it can cover an area of up to nine meters. Once the target is hit, the gel will stick to the victim and continue to burn for up to five seconds.
With a steady and sure-fire Flamethrower on hand, your fruit fly troubles will disappear. However, it is important to note that 3rd degree burns and complete property destruction will be the next hurdle in your quest for a fruit fly free home this summer. I recommend short, controlled bursts.
Happy hunting and skin grafts!
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